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Our 2009 New Year's Resolutions For Everyone Else
It's time once again to make New Year's Resolutions. But instead of making them for ourselves (too boring! too exhausting!) we prefer to sit in a comfortable chair, sipping a latte while we make them for other people, especially for those in public life. Here are our editors' 2009 New Year's Resolutions For Everyone Else:
J.J. Abrams: Don't ruin Star Trek.
Christina Aguilera and Lady GaGa: Stop feuding; we like both of you
AIG execs: No more fancy spas and elaborate taxpayer-funded feasts. Brown bag lunches are in during a recession.
Airlines: Lose the annoying bag fees. And quit losing our bags.
David Beckham: Enough is enough. We're with Posh: it's time to stop getting tattoos
Rod Blagojevich: Resign immediately.
Brangelina: Stop adopting new children and pay attention to the ones you have.
George W. Bush: Stay sober
Hillary Clinton: Don't change: stay as fabulous as you are. Do let us see some more glam when you go to all those embassy parties.
Miley Cyrus: Stay with the Hannah Montana gig a little while - it's working
Detroit Lions: Win a game next year
John Edwards: Don't you have something else to confess?
Zac Efron: learn from Robert Pattinson's haircutting mistakes. Keep working those eyelashes.
Fox Execs: Renew Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and Dollhouse. No, Dollhouse hasn't even aired yet, what's your point?
Ghost Whisperer Writers: Give Jim back his memories and a face transplant so we get David Conrad back all the time.
Sarah Michelle Gellar: Where are you? Please call Joss Whedon and beg him to create a tv series for you.
Jonas Brothers: Take note of the Robert Pattinson situation. You've been warned.
Padma Lakshmi: Bring back the knife dance.
Eddie Murphy: Don't play Robin or any other character in the next Batman movie.
NBC Execs: Renew Chuck and Heroes.
Barack Obama: Stop smoking. We don't care if you have to be covered in nicotine patches or gain 15 lbs from stress eating your way through the White House pastry chef's latest creations, just lose the tobacco habit. Kids are watching.
Robert Pattinson: Grow your hair back
SAG and AMPTP: Cut a deal, immediately. The last thing we need is an Actors' Strike.
Anne Slowey: Keep working those statement necklaces.
Kristen Stewart: Lay off the weed.
Technologists: Invent longer lasting batteries, voice controlled PCs and holograms
Twilight fans waiting for the next movie: Rent or buy Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Seasons 1-8 on DVD and prepare to be amazed.
Prince William: Shave your beard
Oprah Winfrey: Cancel the home purchase in Washington, D.C. to be closer to Barack Obama. Michelle's not going to like it and has stalkerish overtones.
Warner Bros TV Execs: The Internets say that you are the reason that full episodes of The Mentalist has been pulled from CBS.com. Restore them immediately.
Webisode creators: stop making webisodes and make half hour or hour long shows instead. Five minute webisodes are just irritating.
Young Disney stars: Keep your clothes on in public. Stop taking photos of yourselves in the bathroom.
Rachel Zoe: Have a serious talk with Taylor about her attitude towards Brad.
Posted on December 30, 2008
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