Everyone who received a romantic wedding proposal certainly remembers it well, even if the marriage didn't turn out so great. But a perfect proposal remains essentially a private moment in time. To the generation which posts every minute of their lives on their blog or social networking site, that's just not good enough. Now some enterprising would-be grooms are hiring photographers to secretly photograph the moment of the engagement. No, really, they are. It's called Surprise Marriage Proposal Photography and it is the hottest thing ever in the wedding world.
The soon to be fiance makes his arrangements with the photographer (there are firms that specialize in this). The photographer trails the couple around a park or other romantic location, surreptitiously disguised as a tourist or something, and takes pictures of the proposal and the joyful acceptance. Women appear to be divided on whether or not this is a good idea. Some women are furious that they weren't warned they were going to be photographed and find the whole thing to be stalkerish. Other women think it's romantic and love having that special moment captured on film.
Whether inspired by tenderhearted sentiment, the desire to record history in the making or something more narcissistic, some marriage-minded men are remaking one of humanity's most private moments into one that can be instantly shared with family, friends and even, thanks to the Internet, virtual strangers. They are conspiring with photographers who, with all the stealth of covert operatives, lurk in crowds, behind bushes and in the darkened recesses of restaurants to capture the delighted, unposed reaction of the fiancée-in-the-making.
"The trend is on the rise to have all the moments documented in your life," said Anna Post, the author of Emily Post's Wedding Parties, to be published next month by Collins. "You see it on MySpace and Facebook, where people have posted 200 photographs of themselves, and they're not even photographs of profound moments."
Ms. Post finds the idea of photographically preserving a marriage proposal "wonderfully romantic, personally," she said. She warned, however, that it is not for everyone.
The idea dovetails with the current trend toward photojournalistic realism in wedding photography. In recent years the intimacies of a wedding day - a glimpse of the bride as she dons her underpinnings, the stolen mash session between the newlyweds when the guests aren't looking - have become increasingly fair game.
"Initially wedding photojournalism was an aesthetic choice by photographers like me because it emphasized the story of the wedding," said Terry deRoy Gruber, a New York photographer who shot the wedding of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones, among others. "But as time has gone on, with the proliferation of the paparazzi, reality television and online autobiography all kind of cooked together, people almost feel it's really the only way to document something. Proposal photographs represent the absolute beginning of the marriage story, and for some groom who is influenced by these other forces, this is sort of an obligatory scene to record."
Over the last four years, he and his team of photographers, who charge $500 and up for these sessions, have clandestinely snapped proposals on the Lincoln Center Plaza after the opera; masqueraded as tourists in public places; and hidden in the wings of a cavernous and empty (save two) restaurant rented for the occasion by a prospective bridegroom, cameras concealed behind black cloth, the sounds of the shutters obscured by the clatter of dishes.
Still, the idea of being secretly photographed at a traditionally private moment can be unnerving to some women.
"I thought it was a little stalkerish to know that this person was following you to get these great pictures," said Briana King, of the secret photo session in December 2004 that Christopher Joralemon, now her husband, arranged with Gruber Photographers. A crew armed with telephoto lenses and dressed like tourists trailed the couple, who were on a stroll through Central Park - ostensibly to attend a holiday brunch - where they'd met at a dog run seven months earlier. "But the end product was good," Ms. King said. "It was a little weird but definitely worth it."
This is all part of the ever-growing trend of Lifecasting: the recording and broadcasting of every bit of your life, using digital media. It's like The Truman Show, but for everyone. The concept is simple: if you don't record it for posterity, it didn't really happen. Of course, that's completely bonkers, but hey, it is fun to look through all those old photos on Flickr.
The surprise photography thing seems kind of alarming to us when we think about how the photographs might catch us not looking our best. On the other hand, if you're heading out to a romantic date with someone you think might propose to you, wouldn't you already be dressed appropriately in slimming attire with full hair and makeup? This could be your engagement day, after all (most women have a good idea when this is coming). And if you look like hell on this date, you're probably don't care about him and are going to say no anyways.
So, what does this cost the romantic man who wants to record this moment forever? The fees vary considerably. If you're short of funds, you should track down an old college buddy or relative that hasn't met your intended yet and has some mad camera skills. For the best results, you really want a professional photographer who knows what he's doing. Shay Stephens in New York offers a $500 package which includes two hours of a photographer's time, a CD-rom of the results in black and white and color, and a stylist who can give you tips about where to stage the proposal for the best lighting/location/dramatic impact.
