Missing Governor Found, Was With Argentinian Mistress
People were starting to worry there had been foul play whent South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford went missing for a few days. It turns out he was in Argentina for seven days visiting his mistress. No, really. He was.
"I've let down a lot of people, that's the bottom line," the 49-year-old governor said at a news conference where he choked up as he ruminated with remarkable frankness on God's law, moral absolutes and following one's heart. His family did not attend.
The woman, who lives in Argentina, has been a "dear, dear friend" for about eight years but, Sanford said, the relationship didn't become romantic until a little over a year ago. He's seen her three times since then, and his wife found out about it five months ago.
He told reporters he spent "the last five days of my life crying in Argentina" and the affair is now over. Sanford, a rumored 2012 presidential candidate, refused to say whether he'll leave office.
Governor Sanford will be resigning as head of the Republican Governors Association. Here is his press conference in which he goes straight to Crazytown. First he rambles on about his days as a trail guide in the Appalachian mountains, then explains how the stimulus package exhausted him and that led to his bad behavior. He apologizes to his wife and sons, says some nice things about his wife, and then says he's sorry he lied to his staff by lying about going hiking when he was really shacking up with his mistress. He then starts crying over letting down his friend Tom Davis (no crying over his wife, by the way). He then said the affair started over emails "as they often do." More crying over Tom Davis, then he requests a Zone of Privacy (which is so not happening, by the way). The affair started "innocently...as these things often do." It all started when they were discussing God's Law and why she should go back to her estranged husband and children. Then we get some rambling about The Zone of Protectiveness, his remarkable friendship with his mistress that began "sparking" and that the affair is now over. Are we sure he cheated on his wife and not on Tom Davis? Because he cried three times over how he betrayed his "dear friend" politician Tom Davis.
It was sort of like what you would imagine an apology from Perez Hilton would be like, were he ever to offer one to anyone. Money quote: "It will hurt, but hey, let the chips fall where they may." Take a look:
